Theories on B450's temperature

So it has been a while since anybody has had a solid rant about the condition of our lecture theater so I thought it deserved the blog’s attention.
It is well known that B450 is essentially a tank that can withstand all forces known to man, including jack hammering, drilling, sawing, demolition of all areas around it, and relentless lecturing from our professors. This big bertha of classrooms does have its flaws of which the major one is its temperature (or lack thereof) and the minor issue of it containing dents (SNAP!).
I’d like to touch on my theories for the temperature being relentlessly cold.

Theory 1: The Bomb Shelter
Theory 1 is that B450 also doubles as Health Sciences bomb shelter- of which there are approximately 150 seats to hold the most prestigious men and women of science the U of S has to offer should any disaster occur. Because the “lecture theatre” is designed to withstand an eventual post-apocalyptic inferno, there will be two important observations to note: It will be super hot in the inferno that was once the earth and secondly, there won’t be any electricity to heat the building in the wasteland that once was earth. Given B450s main purpose was as this beast of a shelter, it would be entirely illogical to have it heated prior to its “actual intended use”. This theory also conveniently explains why B450 is still standing after constant demolition of just about everything around it.

Theory 2: Use the students for all they are worth
Theory 2 describes the natural tendency for universities to soak the life-blood out of students. This typically involves waves of homework timed as to eliminate any social or family life, and sucking up all money that could be used in obtaining one such “life”. But the College of Medicine is no slouch when it comes to clever ways to use the students. B450 contains approximately 120 people. Assuming each person is on a 2200 kcal diet/day, each student will give off 100W of heat per hour- the equivalent to a light bulb. Given the fact that the lecture theater is approximately 2.5 times the height of an average person, each person is heating an area approximately 2.5 times their own body area. Assuming the University forks out enough cash for heating the building to 10 degrees, each student is contributing to creating a final temperature of 15 degrees in the building. Very clever, Mr. University, very clever indeed.

Theory 3: Poor exchange rate  
The college loves spending money- and what better way to heat B450 than burning American singles in a fiery pit underneath the lecture theater? Unfortunately, when the college exchanged our tuition in for American singles back in September (at what was a great exchange rate thanks to the recession) they miscalculated how efficient the singles were as a method of heat generation. Forced to scrimp and save the singles so they last the whole year, they are only able to heat the building to a temperate 10 degrees each day.

I can’t think of anything more that could possibly explain our building being suitable as a refrigerator- so please comment!

A-TOM (ali thompson)